The Fluffy, Walking, Barking $hit Machine

How does something so small, who eats so little, take so many dumps? It defies the laws of physics. I understand, what goes in must come out, but there has to be more going in than I'm aware of, because there's a LOT coming out!!! If the Soph were a soldier, she's be the land-mine queen. I mean, Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot??!! Dangit man!!! She's a professional turd machine!! At this volume, I should consider trying to sell it to local farmers. I put her on the lanyard outside to feed her. I even mix it with wet food to make it more appealing, so she'll eat it and take her dump outside. She eats well, and I measure her food. Tonight, I let her stay out for 2 hours to let it out of her system before I brought her in. Within 15 minutes, the little heffer laid one right where I walk through the living room!!! She had to have saved it up. It must have taken restraint, because it was even larger than normal. Great. I now have a dog with a cat attitude. As if I'm not ENOUGH of a servant!! The furr-balls will have chains and shackels on me next, you watch and see. Like Zeus. He's a HOUSE cat. He HATES going outside. His litter box is in the garage. If I forget to scoop it or change it, he'll take a dump right where I step out of the car when I get home from work. I still have a pair of shoes out there to scrape off. AAARRRGGGHHH!!! I should have them ALL stuffed and placed in pertinant locations around the house!!! Don't think taxidermy hasn't crossed my mind. Granted, I truly love them, but sometimes they seem like the spawn of Satan sent here to torment me. I like their sweeter side so much better! I couldn't ask for a more loving and adorable doggie than the Soph, when she's not taking dumps in the house!! Salem, Zeus and Biscuit can be just as loving and adorable. I just wish they'd clean their own box. Ew. It is so disgusting. Oh well. I love them. I'd have to, dealing with THAT. The Soph had a close call today!! When she's outside, which is not long, she's on a lanyard or leash, for her own protection. Well, some bigger dogs were roaming around free, and the Soph, being the most ferocious 8 ounce dog in the neighborhood, gave them the what-for!! Well, a ~80 lb dog tried to eat her, and were it not for my daughter, would have succeeded!!! Half her weight is in fuzz, I'm sure. My poor baby!!! My daughter would have been so devastated, as would we all, but especially her!!!! Thank God our Soph is ok! We always keep an eye on her, thank goodness, and the only point of the lanyard is our ineptness in the potty-training. I checked her out, and she's fine. Her defense mechanism was a continuous brain-piercing yelp that defied all human sound. GEEZ!!! We thought it was the yelps of DEATH!!! She's fine. As always, just a drama-queen. She's a doll though!! With all my fussing, I must confess that seeing her so happy when I get home from work, although her bladder gets excited too, just makes my day. I don't mind. Having someone that loves me that much is so worth it. I vent now, but I could no more hurt her feelings intentionally than my own children, whom as all mothers, I'd die for without hesitation. I'd be nothing without my wonderful children, God Bless them. The Soph and my kitties are my pseudo-children. Speaking of such, I had an issue the other day with a guy parked in a car in front of my house at dark. Freaked me out. So, this morning before work, I put the Soph on the lanyard and was bringing out her breakfast when I saw a car approaching very slowly. My first thought was "oh crap, I need to get to work and can't call the police again." Didn't want to deal with another fool lurking around, possibly to murder a child in the neighborhood or break in a house...no, my neighborhood isn't that bad, I'm just aware it's possible. Well, as I put her food down, a white mid-size dog ran up, and the lady, with her husband, in the car asked would I please hold her so they could get her, that she gets out and they can't catch her. Bless their hearts, I know how that feels. I've had 2 hit by cars because I couldn't get them back in once they got out, (so we're emphatically protective of Sophie. We can't handle another loss). Well, I pet the dog, and just scooped her up and held her and took her to her worried parents. I got a "Merry Christmas"!!! It just made my whole day!!! I was SO blessed to have the opportunity to help someone AND get a Merry Christmas!! I can't think of many better ways to start a day!!! God Bless America, my family, my great friends, and Thank God for all of them. I've had too many devastating losses in my life to not appreciate so many who have made a difference. I've learned, the hard way, to never take anyone or anything for granted. With that, I learned I'll never walk on water, but neither will anyone else, so I should not expect them to. On the same token, I'm only human, so if the Soph doesn't want to have to take a crash-course on walking on water, she best stop crapping in my house!!! Just kidding!!! I love the little fuzz-butt!!!! Merry Christmas & God Bless!!!!