Sophie Pics !

Sophie Pics!

Oh Dear....What shall I do?

I'm worthless at raising a dog. Soph sleeps with me at night. In the mornings, I try to take her out before she gets "antsy," because you know what that means. Well, I've been trying to get my daughter to take on more responsibility,so I asked her to take Sophie out. Well, that's like talking to a stump when it comes to chores. Meanwhile, I had laid out my clothes for the work-day out on the bed. So, I took her out, as usual. Afterwards, I put on my undershirt, and noticed a wet spot on it. Where did that come fr....SOPHIE!!!! GROSS!!!! I started checking the rest of the clothes I had planned to wear. My whole outfit was ruined, but at least it didn't soak through to the bedding! I HATE it when I have to wash all the layers of bedding because she 'couldn't wait.' It takes HOURS to wash and dry, with my pitiful dryer, and all that for a 3" diameter spot on a king-size bed!!! Grrrr!
YESTERDAY morning, I was getting ready to leave out for work, when she escaped, untethered. This horrifies me, because even though I live on a circle, and there's NO excuse for anyone to drive fast enough to kill an animal, I have lost 2 dogs and 1 cat here. So, I chase the fluffy little house-shoe down the street and around my [loud] neighbor's yard. That neighbor is a nuisance, I'm telling you. That little brat wore me out! I was huffing and puffing & sweating when my daughter opened the door to our house, and Sophie ran right in!!!! It's a good thing too, because I was ready to make the equivalent of a 'touch-down' from the furthest yard-line with my foot and her fanny!!!! God Bless the furball!
Another thing. The Soph is the first dog I've ever had that 'watches TV.' Literally. She's ok with sit-coms, but during movies, or animal documentaries where they walk toward the camera, she barks at them like they are getting too close to her 'space.' She's a mess!!! I need to take pics & measure her. She's 3.5 lbs & I'm estimating her shoulder height at 3 to 4 inches at best, yet she's the most ferocious, but loving, canine I've ever had!!! Her good traits more than make up for her irritating ones. Being a cat-person, I have to rag on her! She's turning me into a dog-person, but I'm resisting! Heck, I don't know why. My cats are needier than most dogs!!! LOL!

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For some reason, my titles will only appear in Arabic? Hmmm? what did I do & how do I fix it? Nothing against Arabic, I just need it in English so I know I spelled it correctly and everyone I know can read it. The Soph royally pissed me off this morning! I digress, it all started almost 20 years ago when I realized I was having kids, and became the brunt of everything that could possibly go wrong. If someone passed gas, and the flatulence fogged the air of my children, it was my fault and it ruined their lives. Having said that, you can get a snapshot of the burden of blame I carry throughout life. I am not given credit for my accomplishments, only condemnation for my shortcomings. Oh how freaking inadequate and what a loser I am! KISS MY BIG FAT ASS!!! I am so freaking sorry that I wasn't 'there' enough while I was hanging chickens during the day and going to school at night so that I could get a better job to pay for their freaking Blackberry contract, own bedroom, Ipod-Touch, and Wii!!! KISS MY GINORMOUS FLABBY ASS! Anyway, the Soph got 'out' ths morning. I was so mad! I chased her down the street & into my noisy neighbor's yard. Why I was concerned about waking THEM up, I'll never know, since they keep me up all hours with their ridiculas amp & music! BOOM BOOM! The bastards. Anyway, I chased the little fuzzy brat around just for her to run back into the house when my daughter opened the door to go out and wait for the bus! I was so mad and out of breath! In a nutshell, people and the Soph just piss me off at times. I'm ready for a peaceful life for a change. The Soph makes life great in spite of it all. She's a doll! The fuzzy brat!

OOPS!

Oh dear! I learn something new every day. My 10 yr old daughter usually gives Sophie her baths, which explains a lot. I've not had a chance to make an appointment with the groomer, either. The other night, we were watching tv when this awful smell permeated the air. We looked everywhere,found nothing, and decided one of the critters must have had gas. Well, a few minutes later, it was back, more pungent than ever! It went away again. I figured Sophie must have gas, so I asked my daughter to take her out. As soon as she picked her up, this awful smell filled the room and I noticed this huge "patty," for the lack of a better term, pan-caked to Sophie's bum!!! I would rather it have been flatulence. Oh geez, apparently a "web" formed between baths, finally dense enough to 'catch' everything!!! EW! I'm not going into details about cleaning THAT up. Well, I thought I had the solution. I didn't listen to that stupid little voice asking me "Are you sure you don't want to rethink this?" So, I went ahead and got some electric clippers at the dollar store, thinking well, men use them on their face every day....it can't be that difficult. Well, I got nowhere with the guard on, so I took it off. It took 3 of us to hold Sophie in place, but that fur just zipped right off. I didn't cut her, but part of her fanny got a bit pink,just enough to get rid of the "web." Well, it must have been a little too much, because she dragged her fanny around for a while by her front paws, back legs stretched out in front of her. Maybe it's prickly or something? After that, she seemed to feel kind of liberated. Either way, she's going to the groomers soon, which is obviously where I should have taken her to begin with. My 'little voice' needs a remote for the shock collar I also need. The shock collar also needs to be set at "taser." Poor little Soph! I was only trying to help!

My Cat is Disturbed

Cats are strange members of the animal kingdom, I give you that. They are typically odd creatures who intentionally insult everyone they come in contact with. People who love cats usually can't get them to come near them when they want to pet them, and people who dislike cats can't seem to make them go away. This is part of feline genetics. Just like how animals can sense fear, cats have the natural instinct to instantaneously and precisely calculate how they can cut a person down lower than the pellets of the mice they catch. Somehow, I may be cursed to be a spinster cat-lady for life, because I've always been somewhat of their "alpha female" or something twisted like that, because they usually act pretty much like dogs with me. Who knows. Anyway, Zeus is taking it to a whole new level, and Salem is not far behind. They act pretty bizarre. Fortunately, thank GOD Biscuit acts like a NORMAL cat and continuously gives me 'go straight to hell' looks, so I still have hope. Zeus has an OCD thing going on. He has this uncontrollable obsession with grabbing my face with his paws, and rubbing his cold, wet nose, and drooling mouth all over my face. Have you ever seen a cat drool? It's weird. He stalks me to do it. He knows my routine, so he'll hide in the bathroom cabinet until I get home from work. As soon as I get on the porcelaine throne, he ambushes me!!!! Opens the door, and leaps from the cabinet onto my lap and grabs my head, and starts his obsessive slobbering and rubbing his mouth on my face. That nose is cold, the whiskers tickle and those claws don't feel so great either! He even hides under the bed or in my closet so he can wake me up at night doing this!!! Zeus has some very serious issues. Salem's aren't quite as bad. He just wants to lay on my pillow above my head and make biscuits, with his paws, in my hair. He gets carried away and chews my hair or gives it a bath sometimes. It's kinda gross, because then my hair smells like fish. Between the Soph waking up and 'digging' into the covers before she does her circles to lay back down, Miranda kicking me in her sleep (not to mention my daily deposit interruption), Salem's hair fetish, and Zeus's nuzzeling issues....I am NOT GETTING ANY SLEEP!!! They all need to get out of my bed!!! I love them....but they all need to resolve their own issues, and stop waking me up @ 3:00 AM!!!

A Ferocious Lion Trapped in a 3.5 lb Dog's Body

I've seen it all now. I am not sure we'll ever be allowed in Petsmart again. I'll get some sunglasses and scope it out this weekend, while it's crowded, to see if there are and "wanted posters" of Sophie posted. She was running low on her food, so we stopped by there the other day while we were running errands. We don't go to Petco, because it always smells so bad. Ew...gives me the weebie-jeebies and a gag just thinking about it. It's called LYSOL, people!! Anyway. So we go in Petsmart looking around. Of course people can't help but stop every time they see this sweet fluffy little face! It starts with "OH!!! HOW SWEET!!!" and ends with this blood-curdling, ear-piercing, high pitched "GGGRRRR!!!!! ARARARARARARA!!!!! ggggrrrrr!!!!! GGGGRRRRRR!!!! AARARRAAARRAARRAAARAA!!!!(SNAP SNAP!!!)" This sweet little dog, not as big as a fuzzy house-shoe, goes from Gizmo to Stripe at the drop of a hat. Then, if a poor soul is brave enough to pet her, she'll stand there, growling and shaking in anticipation of taking a finger-tip off......they hold their hand out to her, palm up, then she licks them & wags her tail. Who'd have thunk it?

Sometimes, even if just one person is checking out in front of me, it can take FOR-EV-ER there. I saw an empty checker, and was sprinting to get there before anyone else did. I still feel so guilty! As I was racing to the check-out, which is SO SSSSSSSSSSS-LLLLLLLLLLLLLL-OOOOOOOOOOOO-WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, and I truly feel bad for not stopping, but 2 sweet little girls asked if they could pet this teeth-gnashing, salivating, growling, fierce lion trapped in a brown cotton ball of a body, but I had my eye on the prize (checking out before menopause began and ended, because it was already hot enough in there) and just yelled "SURE!" over my shoulder, sweating and sweltering in my layers. Well then, while I was doing the 50 questions with the checker, the little girls didn't even get to pet the oh-so-ferocious one, because she was being a viscious monster that day. Speaking of heat, WHY does every store have the heat jacked up to 90 right now? If people want to walk around half naked in this, they deserve to freeze.

I always have to hold the Soph in Petsmart, because I'm afraid that one day, she's going to snap on a golden retriever that is going to just see a little appetizer and swallow her in one gulp. As little as she is, I'm sure even a Schnauzer wouldn't have a problem getting her down, fluff & all. :)